As you improve and it becomes more natural, slowly work up to assertiveness in bigger and higher stakes situations. This is a classic trap that many people who struggle to be assertive fall into—they have a hard time distinguishing true guilt from fake guilt. Imagine a pushy family member giving you a hard time about the decision not to host Christmas again this year.
This is guilt tripping. Try to get better at recognizing these two versions of guilt. When you find yourself feeling guilty, ask yourself, Have I actually done something wrong? Then, practice tolerating the discomfort of that fake guilt and building up a resilience to it.
Instead, it recognizes that you are in charge of your own behavior and that you decide what you will and will not do. I wonder if what I did was being assertive or bullying. I was feeling depressed and not at all well and very unhappy. I called my daughter and asked her if I could come over to her house. She said okay. It started to rain, sometimes hard and asked if I could come over tomorrow. I felt I could hang on to tomorrow but I wanted to come over today.
She works hard and coming home from work too. I felt guilty and called her and told her I would come over tomorrow.
Manual How to Make Yourself Unhappy: A Manual
She said no she was practically at my home. So I said ok. I had asked her in the beginning if I could come over each day of the weekend. That was not definitive. She said when she was taking me home that she would pick me up tomorrow. Ask yourself, how can a person who only knows conditional love give you unconditional love? Therefore, what is the point of mourning the impossible? Their very actions speak of the abject lack of true love they have experienced.
This fear and pain are both sourced from the illusion that they are separate from life — that they are humans having a life experience, rather than Life having a human experience. Once you realize that people are scared and in pain, it takes out the sting from their disapproving stares and mistreatment of you — and it frees up the energy to provide yourself with more self-love.
It hurts to be the only one in your social circle trying to take responsibility for your life. It hurts to be rejected by your friends, family, or both because you are taking a different path.
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But if there is any lesson you can take away from the way people treat you, it is this: their actions often mirrors how they treat themselves. Do you think that a person who mistreats you thinks they are superior to you? Unless they are clinical narcissists or psychopaths, most people are deeply insecure and fearful.
The more you go against the grain, the more threatening you become to them. Understand this, and your ability to practice self-love will become much easier and clearer. Unless you have reached a high level of spiritual maturity and Oneness , unconditional self-love is not something that comes naturally. Instead, you must work for it. As spiritual beings having a human experience, our lives are characterized by highs, lows, and plateaus.
In other periods, we will feel insecure, ugly, fat, messy, unlovable, and altogether shitty. The important thing here is to embed self-love deeply into your spiritual awakening practice. Do you get the picture? To make self-love and acceptance more of a consistent experience, you have to practice it consciously every.
No excuses! So slow down. Go easy on yourself. Here are a few tips you can take away from this article that I have personally learned on the-path-less-taken:. You will hear a lot of things on your path; some consciously and some unconsciously. Not all of these untrue and unhealthy perceptions will be immediately obvious. Some of them will creep into your mind and belief system, polluting your self-perception. In fact, many of these toxic perceptions probably have already. Not many people talk about discernment when it comes to learning how to love yourself more.
For instance, how can you tell truth from lies without learning how to be discerning?
2. You CAN train your brain to think happy thoughts.
To learn how to be discerning you need to question everything. Yes, this can be tiring, but it is worth every ounce of your effort. Because being discerning will help you to sort through a lot of mental rubbish, antiquated beliefs, and harmful ideals. And the truth is always grounded in love but again, you will have to discover this for yourself.
Are you your own mortal enemy?
How to Have Happy Thoughts and Train Your Brain to Be Happy
If most of us spoke to others the way we spoke to ourselves, we would have no friends! You are with yourself 24 hours a day, days a year. You are with yourself through all the glory and all the pain. To practice self-love, it is important for us to consciously change our relationships with ourselves, and treat ourselves with compassion and consideration just as we would with a best friend.
So my question for you is this: how close are you with yourself? Do you give yourself pep talks as a best friend would?
Do you treat yourself to fun and exciting activities you love? Are you there to hold your own hand when things get messy? Explore what it feels like being your own best friend. What one activity can you do this week that honors this philosophy? That which you reject in another or in yourself may actually be much-needed medicine, a misunderstood teacher, inviting you to a self-love deeper than you ever thought possible. It may be a threshold guardian, a gatekeeper of a forgotten kingdom! Instead of seeing our guilt, jealousy, anger, fear, and sadness as a terrible curse, see them as opportunities to grow.
I remember how difficult it was for me to change the way I perceived my imperfection. Every time someone pointed out a flaw of mine or criticized me in any way, I would feel depressed, angry, and defensive. And what a humungous difference it made to my life. Instead of getting defensive, I would feel the sting to my ego but another part of me would feel gratitude, gratitude for the chance to grow. So give this mindset trick a spin. See what happens when you start perceiving your imperfection as an opportunity to grow.
See what happens when you meet inner challenges with gratitude. Critical and condemnatory self-judgment is the antithesis of self-love.
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Self-judgment is not always a bad thing. We need to be able to measure up our ability to achieve certain tasks at work, as well as understand our strengths and weakness to make smart choices. Not only that, but self-judgment can actually save our lives e.